- Man on dating site: How often are you in town?
- Me: During the school year.
- Man: That's not long enough so we can't date.
- Me: ...okay.
I told my mom tomorrow is 4/20.
- Mom: Yeah. So?
- Me: Well, it's pot day. To get high.
- Mom: No, we aren't getting high together, sorry.
if you think your family is dysfunctional remember that zeus got a woman pregnant but she burned to death so he rescued the fetus from her ashes and sewed it into his thigh and gave birth to it himself and that fetus is now the god of wine and sexual deviancy god bless
My great aunt stabbed her husband in the stomach on their anniversary and he decided not to divorce her because he didn’t want a custody battle over the goats.
Does a snake have a body or is it literally just a really long tail?
Guys. It’s 3 am here and I just got done hanging out with A BOY.